i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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