Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
