After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
