That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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