I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure