The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me