it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what day is it and did you see me today?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
