dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place