Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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