Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
