Fuck appropriateness.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
