Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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