Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
