Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
