i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you win again, gameday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
