I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
