My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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