You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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