Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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