She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
