Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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