i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
