if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
