I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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