Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
