Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
