that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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