He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
