Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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