we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
