highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
