Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
