you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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