Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
