Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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