I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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