Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
