isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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