Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
