Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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