this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
