and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
