i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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