Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
