Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
