Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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