Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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