i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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