All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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