thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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