I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
