so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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