Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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