Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
