we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
