Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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