All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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