I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
