my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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