I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
