why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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