Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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