I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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