i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
